So today I got into quite the argument with a lady on YouTube about adoption. I know, arguing with someone on the internet is never a good idea…It started out that I really wanted to hear her perspective. From that point it just got turned into a whole new direction.
I’ve recently been interested in the topic of breast feeding an adoptive baby. Now I haven’t quite formed my opinion on this, but it was leaning towards a good one because I’ve yet to find anything bad on the topic(which may simply be because its such a relatively unknown topic). While watching a video on it I came across a woman who was claiming that they should stop supporting this among other things about it being bad. Of course I was eager to hear her reasoning.
To thoroughly hear her case I decided to play devils advocate and argue her stance. It wasn’t until halfway through that i realized i was no longer playing, I was arguing.
She claims that “By breastfeeding them it sends a message to the mother, the baby, and society that they gave birth to them and it totally eliminates the birthmother. It is discriminatory for the birthmother and the ultimate way of severing a tie between baby and biological family.”
Which i just don’t see. Breastfeeding doesn’t say “I gave birth to you” in my mind, it says “I’m your parent and I’m giving you the best nutrition I can, while getting to bond with you.”
Honestly i was kind of struck on how she claimed it to be discriminatory. I can understand how it might upset birth-mothers at the most but really its discriminatory to them?
Regardless this was a reasonable case against breastfeeding your adopted child. Where does that leave the birth-mother.
She continued to say the only person who should breastfeed an adopted child is the birth-mother and if the birth mother can’t she should freeze her breast milk and the family should pick it up or the child should be on formula… This got me thinking as well, because now your not only saying the child shouldn’t be breastfed from the adoptive parent but they should choose to have no breast milk at all over drinking anyone who isn’t birthmother’s breast milk. — once again, not sure I agree with this.
I was trying to give even chance to her perspective and in my head I was thinking she could have a point.
That was until I read this from her; “Also, the adoption industry is a multibillion dollar industry that is less regulated than the real estate industry and if people can pay thousands for someone else’s baby then they should be spending that money on helping the young woman to raise her own baby (buying her baby clothes, a car seat, etc).” —Does she even understand what adopting is about? Majority of people adopting a child is looking to grow there family. I agree, woman should get more help if they have financial struggles or if that is the reason they are giving up there child but to put that on adopting parents?
Now, here I assured myself that shes coming from a good place and doesn’t mean to come off as harsh as she sounds. Perhaps shes just passionate. However, when I began to discuss the possible different situations that can go along with adoption(and therefore whether or not you should or even consider breastfeeding your adoptive child in each situation) she immediately corrected me.
When I brought up birth parents who simply don’t want to be parents and choose to give there child up for adoption for that reason she told me that no birth mother doesn’t want to be parents “it is simply a defensive mechanism to not face the pain of knowing they don’t have the money or mental health wellness to raise their baby.” — It was this moment I realized she truly believed that the only situation there is in adoption is birth parents who give up their child for financial reasons. The only other situation she even acknowledged was dangerous parents from which the child needs to be removed (though she refused to talk about breastfeeding in that case).
At the mention of closed adoption she says its “a discriminatory and vile act on another human being. Closed adoption is legalised human trafficking.” (these are copied and pasted, the spelling is hers.) I understand some people feel strongly of the bond between bio parents and the child, but not every case works with open adoption. Don’t get me wrong, most adoption situations are best with open adoption but she seems to be taking this to quite the extreme. I kind of find this offensive to all parties of a closed adoption.
She truly saw it as the only reason a child is up for adoption is if the parent was dangerous or if the Bio-mom was pushed into it.
When I asked her if shes considered other situations beyond financial on why a birth-mom put her child up for adoption she said “Yes, there are numerous factors as to why a girl or young lady may be pushed into adoption.” ~however she may have been confused at the question, she responded to a lot of my questions with answers that didn’t truly match what I asked.~
I’m just shocked that as someone who claims to be educated in and who has worked with this “population” has only a negative view of it. Yes adoption is filled with loss, but not every case is the horrible story she seems to have in her mind.
As for breastfeeding your adopted child she only provided two points against it.
- It is discriminatory towards birth mothers. I feel this one would be situational, I don’t think she sees many adoption situations from her perspective though. I think I will explore further into this.
- All breast milk is individualized for a specific baby. This one is true, but as far as I’ve seen in my exploring of this topic(and breastfeeding in general), breast-milk of any kind is better than formula.
After writing about it now and rereading all of the conversation I’m starting to wonder if her single perspective is a personal one; she did mention being an Adoptee.
Anyways, What do you think on her perspective of adoption?
What do you think of breastfeeding an adopted child?
Should I have done something different in the way I talked to her?
Please leave your comments! Good-life to you all!