You know that funeral, or memorial, or assembly scene in movies after someone dies. You know when there’s all those people crying; who didn’t know the deceased? There’s always a character who’s complaining about it, calling them out, or getting angry because they didn’t know them.

Maybe they are crying for attention. Or maybe they can’t handle everyone around them being sad. Maybe this death reminds them of someone close to them whom they lost. Maybe death itself makes them uncomfortable.

But did you ever think that maybe that boy who only had one or two classes with him is actually hurting because he remembers one deep conversation with him… Or that girl who is actually crying because he made her laugh sometimes… Did you ever think that maybe that kid who had never talked to him actually had a crush on him and can’t believe hes gone… Or that when I balled my eyes out for a boy I never knew it was because I couldn’t get his smile out of my mind ?

**

I didn’t know him, but I remember staring a little longer than I should have because I found him so gorgeous. I didn’t talk to him much, but sometimes he told jokes that I couldn’t help but laugh at. I wasn’t close to him, but I had a small crush on him. I didn’t know him, and yet since the moment I heard the news I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing his face forming that handsome smile.

Every time a room is empty all I can think is “you will never see that smile form again”. That smile that I saw, that mouth that made me laugh, it’s gone. It’s just not here anymore.

I didn’t love him. He wasn’t my world. I didn’t lose everything the day he died. And  I know his family and friends are devastatingly hurt and I can’t imagine or even begin to relate.

But, don’t assume I didn’t lose something the day he died just because I didn’t know him.

I’ll never stop being sorry that I didn’t know him.

**

I hope you find comfort no matter what your going through or who you lost. Good-life to you all.

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